Finally , I always heard BOMB blasts. Bomb blasts here , there. Mumbai serial bombs, bombs here and there, all are fine. Sitting in my infosys office, i heard news that there are bomb blasts. Three in number , then came seven , as i sit in office ..relaxing. What followed was a series of concerned calls telling about the bomb blasts in Bangalore. wow , all over the place there were a few concerned faces and few smiles. And those who seemed tense , i was there to give them more.
Well , most concerns were like the bus service , whether some more bombs are going to rock the city or is it all . How will the traffic be like. Well , will there be any traffic.
Well , lets come to my seat , getting calls from friends in US of A to those in UK. First time my cellfone was tested to limits. Bangalore network was jammed but Tata Indicom was working. Wow!!! I got calls from nearly all people who cared.
Next , in internet. Madivala had 2 bombs to the credit, and i stay at a place which is barely a KM from the place.
Concerns : This is not a bomb or people injured that i am worried, what i fear are communal riots breaking. The bombs are serialised way to attack the prospering IT industry. but the city which has faced communal riots in last couple of years it has been a concern now.
Now its 530 PM and i am going out now. To my home, let us see how is condition. For me , i will be looking out for site where there was a bomb blast on Hosur road. And as someone has mentioned not much traffic on Hosur road, and ideally should not be there.
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Reached Home: what a journey. Raining heavily , drenched jackets and slippery roads. But was there was a blast. Was there something that was threatening. Traffic was less , you must be joking. I have not seen so much traffic in rain. Bikers were on road , fearing to make a stop. The bombs were placed in the sand it seemed. Well , i reached home in rain. Nothing unusual. Not a hint something was not correct. No sign of bomb at any instance across Hosur Road.
For me the bomb blast that rocked the entire nation were not able to rock the Bindass City Of Bangalore ....
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namma bangalooru ..... i am loving it :)
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Contact me : www.deepakg83.com
Friday, July 25, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
The Changing Priorites ...
When was the last time you had done genuine friendship with a new girl , who was single then. Came too close to you , and then suddenly got into relationship. She would claim you are still the same good friend , same one .. and believe me , you are. Its they who are changing, and adjusting for the new life ahead. But the better way is to tell the friends on face , that see , your importance is no longer a priority. You are a friend , a good one and will remain so. and for people who think this is correct are fools . There can not be a person so important to eclipse the importance of all others, because if there is one like that , then do ask yourself a simple question, has something changed.
Now that happened sometime back when i was moving through a good phase in my life , when i found this girl who had found a whole new world in her new boyfriend, and there would be no reason for her to showcase it. For years of friendship goes meaningless , and her boyfriend is all so better. He is possibly on site and she is suddenly just too busy now. for a 10 min talk she would tell it whole day , genuinely not intersted. I understand that friends lose importance over time , when new friends come in such a fashion that old one lose importance , remember the new ones will also be old , and so will you be also be one ...
Life brings a new perspective when one finds a new found love , i remember my first computer , my first mobile , my first PDA , and hours i spent on each of them , like they never will be over. And forget the TV , Radio and even neglect the people around us ,same thing happens .
there has been almost so many incidents ... so almost , few got onsite , some got onsite calls (referred to as bf calling ) , others suddenly started to think office work is more imp that simple Hi in the morning .
The morning greetings are replaced by blank messages , the sms stopped and calls non existent. And the reason is simple , you were a need , possibly a make shift friend till one got permanent one , and the thing that stings most is the second to someone who came in late. And suddenly they would identify to have met in class 6th , gimme a break. 10 days ago u met the guy on net , joined 5 days ago in CCD , and tell today u had a crush on guy when u were in class VIII . You can fool me , and for a fool i am , i will always be , but no use fooling yourself.
Now i like one girl , and i go to limits to help her, but she will be rude to me, as if i cant exist without her. Possibly i wont be able to , but there are 2 possible reasons , either she does not know the fact (she will be the most dumbest person on the earth , who wont understand the pain one incurrs to prepare food for you with a broken left arm ) or she takes me for granted. She thinks i am the worst fool on the earth , and she can use me till the time she wants. Now if the latter thing happen to be true ( God forbid ) , what should one do. Make life hell for her , ping her , call her or sms her. No , that will be bad . Stop talking to her , no way , tomorrow she will need help , then where she will go , when she needs to get something downloaded , or pay up a bill or just like that . she will ask all the help for you, but when u selflessly try to care would stand up as the most independent girl on this earth. one thing over this period is you make me sick. I Sometimes repent to have done friendship with you , and worse i still like you.
Now there is second class , she i thought was one of true friends , but i am second to her new toy , her new boyfriend. continents apart she will talk to hi, me also , but i am second.
Ditto with another best friend , she promised to call me when she wud get a job , 2 years and am still waiting for the same.
Its sad to be on the spree of losing friends, and with this pace very soon , there wont be anyone in my list.
If you are reading this still , there is a very small request from this person down here, please dont make me feel as if i am stigma to society , dont make me feel as of no importance as i font have a gf , and u do have a bf. When i did firendship i wanted friends .
If you still count me as an option in your list , i can keep on accumulating the pain till the bucket is filled to brim. Dont know what will happen when it will overflow.
I am already done still think can manage losing last 2 girls alive in my friends list . One thing is for sure , i lost a friend today , hope the next post never comes ....
Now that happened sometime back when i was moving through a good phase in my life , when i found this girl who had found a whole new world in her new boyfriend, and there would be no reason for her to showcase it. For years of friendship goes meaningless , and her boyfriend is all so better. He is possibly on site and she is suddenly just too busy now. for a 10 min talk she would tell it whole day , genuinely not intersted. I understand that friends lose importance over time , when new friends come in such a fashion that old one lose importance , remember the new ones will also be old , and so will you be also be one ...
Life brings a new perspective when one finds a new found love , i remember my first computer , my first mobile , my first PDA , and hours i spent on each of them , like they never will be over. And forget the TV , Radio and even neglect the people around us ,same thing happens .
there has been almost so many incidents ... so almost , few got onsite , some got onsite calls (referred to as bf calling ) , others suddenly started to think office work is more imp that simple Hi in the morning .
The morning greetings are replaced by blank messages , the sms stopped and calls non existent. And the reason is simple , you were a need , possibly a make shift friend till one got permanent one , and the thing that stings most is the second to someone who came in late. And suddenly they would identify to have met in class 6th , gimme a break. 10 days ago u met the guy on net , joined 5 days ago in CCD , and tell today u had a crush on guy when u were in class VIII . You can fool me , and for a fool i am , i will always be , but no use fooling yourself.
Now i like one girl , and i go to limits to help her, but she will be rude to me, as if i cant exist without her. Possibly i wont be able to , but there are 2 possible reasons , either she does not know the fact (she will be the most dumbest person on the earth , who wont understand the pain one incurrs to prepare food for you with a broken left arm ) or she takes me for granted. She thinks i am the worst fool on the earth , and she can use me till the time she wants. Now if the latter thing happen to be true ( God forbid ) , what should one do. Make life hell for her , ping her , call her or sms her. No , that will be bad . Stop talking to her , no way , tomorrow she will need help , then where she will go , when she needs to get something downloaded , or pay up a bill or just like that . she will ask all the help for you, but when u selflessly try to care would stand up as the most independent girl on this earth. one thing over this period is you make me sick. I Sometimes repent to have done friendship with you , and worse i still like you.
Now there is second class , she i thought was one of true friends , but i am second to her new toy , her new boyfriend. continents apart she will talk to hi, me also , but i am second.
Ditto with another best friend , she promised to call me when she wud get a job , 2 years and am still waiting for the same.
Its sad to be on the spree of losing friends, and with this pace very soon , there wont be anyone in my list.
If you are reading this still , there is a very small request from this person down here, please dont make me feel as if i am stigma to society , dont make me feel as of no importance as i font have a gf , and u do have a bf. When i did firendship i wanted friends .
If you still count me as an option in your list , i can keep on accumulating the pain till the bucket is filled to brim. Dont know what will happen when it will overflow.
I am already done still think can manage losing last 2 girls alive in my friends list . One thing is for sure , i lost a friend today , hope the next post never comes ....
Thursday, June 19, 2008
We Talk of Values ...
There are few companies in this world who boasts as anchor , the discoverer and above all the best in the business. And then it talks of values , talks of greenery and the traffic management , not only across the company but across the city limits. These types of companies are more like a pot full of poison packed in attractive cover and sweets on the top. The pot is shiny to look from far , but the ground realities are as different as white from back. I travel to office by bike daily , and the company bus would not only clog the road, but also make it impossible for others to pass. Other than the road space that is taken over the bus-mafia every periodic hour Monday through Friday , it is the security segment that is at a loss. There is no way a person can drive carefree on the roads. The construction at a continuous stretch would have roads blocked at many points , but then the bullies on road , like a carefree elephant would move sideways , without indicating or slowing down. The bully would enter the company compound as the most innocent ones in the world , and then go stain free. The bus of a multinational. What is most frustrating is the city could have been a much better place without them, or having them disciplined. Try parsing the same area at same time on weekends , and the torturous hour long stretch to complete a distance of 8 Km on weekdays is covered up in astonishing 20 min. Then also would come out and claim to be one handling the transport well. There are two types of people , one who are in the bus with I-Pods stuffed in ears , eyes closed , or gossiping the day out back to the home , who once in a while would be jolted by bus moving over divider ,curse the driver and continue with chat or music as before. There is this other segment of people on road , the bikers , the car-drivers and other small vehicle drivers. Each time a small jolt is felt inside the bus , is accompanied by severe braking sound , a heavy jolt in passengers of cars and pillion riders crashing on in the bikers . And still when the voices are raised to correct the defect , they would not. The complaints won’t be allowed to discuss in a public forum ,and asked to point the complaint to a same department. A way to complain is to protest , awareness has to be first step for any change. But these rights are virtually nonexistent.
Then I know of a company with strict dress codes , when I saw them the first time moving to the company in the morning, they looked good. Tie up the necks, full sleeve nicely pressed Shirts , and then with them this girl with a sleeveless crumpled T-shirt and jeans. I was all in good for the company having such a crowd , should come first in fancy dress ,but for that girl who was not dressed properly. One month later , I got to know from one of the friends working in the same company, that if the guys don’t follow the uniform they are fined for it. At first it seemed to me that the person is joking , but he was not. He was serious , and one was forced to laugh. Then I remember the girl in jeans was not for tainting the image of company but to laugh and mock at the properly dressed boys , and then the company comes out and says no gender bias. I think of “Husbands suffering in hands of girls “ concept. The company is definitely not giving any advantage to boys for being male but girls are encouraged to dress in tempting dresses. Jeans , skirts and likes of home wear ,may be for attracting a larger consumer base. Then there is a period in first quarter when the employees are not wearing ties , due to summer heat. This is reflected directly in sensex as the company profits drip. The people work with highest efficiency on Mondays and Tuesdays when the tie is up the neck. Obviously the girls are not in production as they don’t wear ties and the efficiency is so less. Such a big company runs on tie. Grow up , don’t go and look in the world , you are genuinely not eligible , but atleast look at surroundings. Times have changed and so must you ,else times wont forgive you. If one is so persistent on having employees wear that particular tie , come out with uniform and let all wear same stuff. One does believe in equality of gender. But I still feel sorry for boys of that company shelling out money in case they wear half sleeve shirt on Monday, and see a Sleeveless girl pass as they write in fine.
What is an infection , it is something undesirable in a healthy environment. How does one define legitimate? Is it one’s perception of a subject or should it invite a wider audience. There is no place for rigid policies , and one need to be very flexible with changing times. Its really absurd to keep on shouting , cribbing and crying about sorry state of the place when one is not ready to improve oneself.
So where does one start , within itself. The general outcry of people asking for a change will go unnoticed for a small time, then oppression will result in agitation , and it may even lead to downfall of the monster. Most of the bullies go down silently. For in 25 years of my existence , I have known there are different summits to climb and one does not sit on zenith for long. Numero Uno position is not government post that one may continue till end of life , and when one does talk of values , one should follow it.
Values are not the currency notes which go down as the rupee becomes stronger , neither are the one that in inherited in hundreds of world class building built, but is defined by people in those. By the top management going in iteration with the lower order people , and communicating clear guidelines . defining process , declaring punishment and above all , implementing it across all the sections. A dress code violation attracts a financial penalty for males while its all scot free for girls. The decency levels , the discipline spread are small issues because we are now talking of Values. And then this intellect which is already possibly quarter century old. Rather than being a open mind and moving with the world , a stubborn tumor and falsified feeling of being the best and most appreciated won’t let it move further. The employee satisfaction level along with the non-existent morals are going down. There are big changes in the way company works, the jobs and bands are being restructured , but there is a bigger need on hand than these. Change the logo of the company if company is no longer in a position to follow it , find the people responsible. It’s a matter of A FEW which give it all a bad name. But a smelly fish spoils all the pond , and is the current state now. How does one recover the lost pond. Its high time something is done just too fast to bring all the things back to normalcy before its too late.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Void after she left
Go Going Gone ... Destiny , Future and above all , the one i thought was the most profilic friends , not one of the few but the only girl i knew whose smile is bestest in the world. The last time we met was not like that Jab We Met types , but infact a contrasting proposition. She has decided to move to Delhi and why should she not ,. I have known her for a year and half now as the best person in my life. I really dont have any adjectives coming to my mind for her, just that she is kid grown up just too fast.
This was another last time we met , i called her next day and next day till she finally picked the call, and told her i want to meet her once more. She obliged , and i was indeed the most happy soul on earth , maybe that would not be longed live , but the aroma of her presence evaporates all of any thoughts. The times i have spent with her have been the best of life. Its generally said that a person should not change for the one he likes, but i am sorry. Each of things she liked , i started loving. I started feeling there is a drastic change needed in my life, and this would not have been possible had she not come into my life. I started to look , find the errors in me , and rectify them for that is not the parameter for someone liking me or not ,but i started to understand that personality is one stuff one needs to build. So where does we start , the mirror . A few extra pounds , delete it. Set a target , 2nd of Sixth month , when i would surprise her. I worked hard , harder than one thinks. A strict regular diet topped with hours of gym and no chocs and ice cream for 3 months. Here i think i grew better, but again was mistaken. She refused to say i am fine. What does that do , a determination to lose another dozen kgs. Its not easy but maybe i will do anything for her .
There was a time i used to talk to a many girls , now i dont. All know her , and i want to tell her that for world she is someone , but for me , she is the world. I can go to limits just to be with her.Cauz she is one person who with whom i think i can be happpy. Her simplicity is so awsome , i have gone limits for her. Workouts . improving English and control diet. Nothing seemed to be impossible when she was in mind, one can think how wud she effect me if she comes in my life.
Last night in bangalore and she was with me , drinking coconut water ( mayb if she remembers it as nariiyal paani) , and that was in liue of coffee we were to have. And again , that awsome evening walk to follow. I still think i can walk with her for lifetime , and why only me , any person . Her genuine smile , her milky complexion (touchwood) and her touching words with her presence act as a tonic to live the life in a better way.
The day she was with me , i was looking at the time , stop. Please the clock , dont tick for some time now. I dont know when i will meet her next , just a small request, God , Lets call it a day and let her spend some more time with her, but time stops for nothing. And it went, and next day she also flew to Delhi.
The void expected on her departure was bigger than the distance from her place to BIAL. When i cross 11th Main , no more i look for the pink house , no more i am looking in the Ladoos if i see her or the morning shop where she has her tea/ Was the first time i passed BTM i did not want to pass through that SBI ATM....
i just want to tell her once , i will change for her , change for the best, would be an umbrella in the rain , a shade till the sun fade , and best of friend till the life ends. I dont know if i could ever be as good as you are, but i can promise that i will do the best of my capabilities to be the best for ya , and yes i still remember the song u like the most -- sweet like the sugar coated candyman ,...
All things planned for you on my birthday will miss you for sure. Even though you are the most beautiful angel the God ever made, even though you got the smile a few have , a voice envied by all , even though God gave you all decorations he had in his kitty, even though he had gifted you the best of the best in each and every catogary, and me on the other side, but dont we know opposites attract. Still i just want to tell you that i cherish your company the most ....
This was another last time we met , i called her next day and next day till she finally picked the call, and told her i want to meet her once more. She obliged , and i was indeed the most happy soul on earth , maybe that would not be longed live , but the aroma of her presence evaporates all of any thoughts. The times i have spent with her have been the best of life. Its generally said that a person should not change for the one he likes, but i am sorry. Each of things she liked , i started loving. I started feeling there is a drastic change needed in my life, and this would not have been possible had she not come into my life. I started to look , find the errors in me , and rectify them for that is not the parameter for someone liking me or not ,but i started to understand that personality is one stuff one needs to build. So where does we start , the mirror . A few extra pounds , delete it. Set a target , 2nd of Sixth month , when i would surprise her. I worked hard , harder than one thinks. A strict regular diet topped with hours of gym and no chocs and ice cream for 3 months. Here i think i grew better, but again was mistaken. She refused to say i am fine. What does that do , a determination to lose another dozen kgs. Its not easy but maybe i will do anything for her .
There was a time i used to talk to a many girls , now i dont. All know her , and i want to tell her that for world she is someone , but for me , she is the world. I can go to limits just to be with her.Cauz she is one person who with whom i think i can be happpy. Her simplicity is so awsome , i have gone limits for her. Workouts . improving English and control diet. Nothing seemed to be impossible when she was in mind, one can think how wud she effect me if she comes in my life.
Last night in bangalore and she was with me , drinking coconut water ( mayb if she remembers it as nariiyal paani) , and that was in liue of coffee we were to have. And again , that awsome evening walk to follow. I still think i can walk with her for lifetime , and why only me , any person . Her genuine smile , her milky complexion (touchwood) and her touching words with her presence act as a tonic to live the life in a better way.
The day she was with me , i was looking at the time , stop. Please the clock , dont tick for some time now. I dont know when i will meet her next , just a small request, God , Lets call it a day and let her spend some more time with her, but time stops for nothing. And it went, and next day she also flew to Delhi.
The void expected on her departure was bigger than the distance from her place to BIAL. When i cross 11th Main , no more i look for the pink house , no more i am looking in the Ladoos if i see her or the morning shop where she has her tea/ Was the first time i passed BTM i did not want to pass through that SBI ATM....
i just want to tell her once , i will change for her , change for the best, would be an umbrella in the rain , a shade till the sun fade , and best of friend till the life ends. I dont know if i could ever be as good as you are, but i can promise that i will do the best of my capabilities to be the best for ya , and yes i still remember the song u like the most -- sweet like the sugar coated candyman ,...
All things planned for you on my birthday will miss you for sure. Even though you are the most beautiful angel the God ever made, even though you got the smile a few have , a voice envied by all , even though God gave you all decorations he had in his kitty, even though he had gifted you the best of the best in each and every catogary, and me on the other side, but dont we know opposites attract. Still i just want to tell you that i cherish your company the most ....
Thursday, May 29, 2008
The Spoilt Girl
8th April 2008 , 1:37 PM .
She knows whom i am refering to , was birth of a new relationship. One which thrived on silent shouts of friendship, flavoured with trust and two kids shook the hands in friendship. It has been more than 72000 seconds since they meet , and is a significant time. There is this girl who i have seen her in pics , and only pics. One who is more of my lifeline , and one who i feel comfy with. but in these past tens of thousands of sacred moments i have known her , i have expressed how beautiful she is . she is one of the most sober , clean and probably most lucky ( touchwood) person in the world. One who does not want to go to US , is happy with the wat the world is going except that no one should praise her. Come on friend , u know u r the best , and like all other girls dont accept , but when i dont praise u also get equally frustrated. this is when i love you the most , the most i ever did. You also know i am not the best person in the world but i will come close to the worst person u know in your life. I just met her by chance , friends by choice and promise to stay forever.
now something about this girl who is always on leave on Mondays , takes life as a more full of tension as it is . She would take on small things as a very big problem, and the way she trusts all the people needed to be changed. If you try to experiment with her , she will be annoyed. Lets do this, try to be bad to be her, and she will not mind , and if you try to be a little more good, she will think you are getting too close to her , and she might just stop talking to you. Its not heartless she is , but she will then find her mom and tell her everything . so she has a treasure to talk back home daily.
I have talked to her a couple of times over phone , and she is much more confident there, she can try anything that is in decent limits and not break the social taboos. She has one thing for sure , if she decides you are her man, then no matter what the hell , who the **** comes , she will stuck to the same person forever. She is invariably one perfect girl any guy would like to have as a life partner and easily has a crush on. she is one of the rarest gems who are with me. Her pics are just so awsome and she has a property known to water, blend in the surroundings. All her pics looks just so different, and she so wonderful.
Now She is changing as times, for the starters , she wont reply to your ping. If you are committed / married , then dont try to even come close to her . this is one thing i think i did to her, poor PM who was trying to flirt. She is one the very basic beauty on whom my friendship thrives in the day. I dont know what cellfone she carries , but am sure my name exists in more than one place.
I may be out of this world , and her world also soon ,when she will tying the final knot with her loved one, still i miss her like the others in my life , who came and left me. But for me , each of them has been treasured asset , and even though they are longer remember me or call , i still do. Ditto with her, she wont be an exception , all used to say the same thing. But am sure still , that this might go in for a lill longer than i expect , but all the other girls i met were good ones . this one seems to be naughty and spoilt girl. A cyst in which she exists is hard to crack, impossible to break by raw hands, just like passcode protected. The only way to treat her is not like pricess , not like an angel neither a precious diamond, but to care. The feelings dont require words , and when two hearts talk , nothing is a taboo.
She is the most spoilt girl i met , cauz she is good looking , beautiful , has sweet voice , confident accent and above all , a very caring friend.
Thanks for being so nice to me ....
She knows whom i am refering to , was birth of a new relationship. One which thrived on silent shouts of friendship, flavoured with trust and two kids shook the hands in friendship. It has been more than 72000 seconds since they meet , and is a significant time. There is this girl who i have seen her in pics , and only pics. One who is more of my lifeline , and one who i feel comfy with. but in these past tens of thousands of sacred moments i have known her , i have expressed how beautiful she is . she is one of the most sober , clean and probably most lucky ( touchwood) person in the world. One who does not want to go to US , is happy with the wat the world is going except that no one should praise her. Come on friend , u know u r the best , and like all other girls dont accept , but when i dont praise u also get equally frustrated. this is when i love you the most , the most i ever did. You also know i am not the best person in the world but i will come close to the worst person u know in your life. I just met her by chance , friends by choice and promise to stay forever.
now something about this girl who is always on leave on Mondays , takes life as a more full of tension as it is . She would take on small things as a very big problem, and the way she trusts all the people needed to be changed. If you try to experiment with her , she will be annoyed. Lets do this, try to be bad to be her, and she will not mind , and if you try to be a little more good, she will think you are getting too close to her , and she might just stop talking to you. Its not heartless she is , but she will then find her mom and tell her everything . so she has a treasure to talk back home daily.
I have talked to her a couple of times over phone , and she is much more confident there, she can try anything that is in decent limits and not break the social taboos. She has one thing for sure , if she decides you are her man, then no matter what the hell , who the **** comes , she will stuck to the same person forever. She is invariably one perfect girl any guy would like to have as a life partner and easily has a crush on. she is one of the rarest gems who are with me. Her pics are just so awsome and she has a property known to water, blend in the surroundings. All her pics looks just so different, and she so wonderful.
Now She is changing as times, for the starters , she wont reply to your ping. If you are committed / married , then dont try to even come close to her . this is one thing i think i did to her, poor PM who was trying to flirt. She is one the very basic beauty on whom my friendship thrives in the day. I dont know what cellfone she carries , but am sure my name exists in more than one place.
I may be out of this world , and her world also soon ,when she will tying the final knot with her loved one, still i miss her like the others in my life , who came and left me. But for me , each of them has been treasured asset , and even though they are longer remember me or call , i still do. Ditto with her, she wont be an exception , all used to say the same thing. But am sure still , that this might go in for a lill longer than i expect , but all the other girls i met were good ones . this one seems to be naughty and spoilt girl. A cyst in which she exists is hard to crack, impossible to break by raw hands, just like passcode protected. The only way to treat her is not like pricess , not like an angel neither a precious diamond, but to care. The feelings dont require words , and when two hearts talk , nothing is a taboo.
She is the most spoilt girl i met , cauz she is good looking , beautiful , has sweet voice , confident accent and above all , a very caring friend.
Thanks for being so nice to me ....
i am not searching ....
There was something called as ...., i dont really remember the name or the source ,but most of the people around me to go for it. Its not an easily available stuff outside the institution but here , inside the place most of the people have it. Some move around with IIT degrees and lots of intelligence, other as the best in the project while a few volunteers for social cause. Some go do some charity , but am still looking for the stuff. so i went to foodcourt looking for thing i need , people believe i lack and i illusioned to acquire it. Here the prices were so high that when i nicked my wallet inside out, i could not afford a meal in this expensive city , how would i go about to buy that stuff which most people say is most precious. From there i went to the library building. I asked the person incharge , am looking for something that nearly all people have here , but i dont. Something which most people boasts of themselves , and i dont know. I really dont know what is the name of the thing that is easily available but i dont have it. Confused but not for long , he took me to the spiritual section. seems like you are stressed u need a little peace of mind. read these spiritual books and spend some time in temple to feel relaxed. It is the peace of mind missing in you. It is available everywhere.
Is it so , i went through books , i really dont know if i was looking for peace of mind , but there was something that struck me. something that person said striked gold. I moved on and left those spiritual knowledge books. Still something troubles like the half filled glasses spills more water as fileld till the brim colas. Something going to tear me apart and in shreds i would still not know.
Something is missing , knowing and not knowing it can be just so frustrating. Finally whom should i go to , is it Him. Yes , i think he is the one who would be able to solve it. I went to temple, but en route a bus hit me hard, and i was with HIM.
I asked God , what it is i want to know which i am seeking. i dont remember the name , most people call me headless , and some name they told me is easy to find but i cant recollect it. Are you the GOD , THE GOD , the one who has made all life on earth. Can you please help me with it.
God must be annoyed and angry for all my stupid questions shooting like the stray stars striking each other, but there was something that was charasmitic about that halo. He smile and waved his hands. the shine on his head was so strong now that i was unable to realise what was going on.
Is it so , i went through books , i really dont know if i was looking for peace of mind , but there was something that struck me. something that person said striked gold. I moved on and left those spiritual knowledge books. Still something troubles like the half filled glasses spills more water as fileld till the brim colas. Something going to tear me apart and in shreds i would still not know.
Something is missing , knowing and not knowing it can be just so frustrating. Finally whom should i go to , is it Him. Yes , i think he is the one who would be able to solve it. I went to temple, but en route a bus hit me hard, and i was with HIM.
I asked God , what it is i want to know which i am seeking. i dont remember the name , most people call me headless , and some name they told me is easy to find but i cant recollect it. Are you the GOD , THE GOD , the one who has made all life on earth. Can you please help me with it.
God must be annoyed and angry for all my stupid questions shooting like the stray stars striking each other, but there was something that was charasmitic about that halo. He smile and waved his hands. the shine on his head was so strong now that i was unable to realise what was going on.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
an evening walk with her ...
Sometimes in life one does not know if to smile or frown. Be happy for promising future of friend or void that will remain once that close friend departs. Hard to tell the feelings when a friend moves away to distant location. Was hard first time it happened, amusing the second time and since then a habit. But this one is gonna be tough. She was probably my human emotion tank. Not many have the ability to make me smile and cry at the same time, but astonishingly she has that. She was my friend , my guide and possibly the only one in the world to whom I have lied the least. Yesterday evening was one of those which I would not forget for a long long time.
The climate was apt , the wind breeze just passed bye and the time flew. I wish and I wished hard that the time would stop. Let me cherish a few more moments before she would be going. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but just didn’t. Her green eyes, lovely smile and nonstop chatter ( less than me off course ). The feeling of just being with her is so strong that it subsides every other emotion. There is one thing I have known when I am with her , to be what I am. No false faces , no extravagant comments , just be myself. But again she knows me so well , that a few would actually come close, but like all those she is going too far. And I really don’t know how to control the feelings. There can be no more than two people you can synchronize with so well , and she is one of those. How often do we talk , less , lesser and least . How much I wanna talk , now , in evening through dead of nights and first thing in morning to last thing I sleep. Her voice is soft and touches one heart like the soft violin tone. She has actually an alternate career in mimicry and pulling legs. I wonder if we would ever go together , that would be her favorite pastime. Another thing I came to know , she has some stamina and could walk 5 miles with ease and not feel tired. Another one she can weigh you with eyes and bring one’s hallucination to end. She did say a lot of things to me , but was I really listening. I doubt, I was wondering for most of the time, that it is not possible. This is definitely not the way to part, still the life is a long proposition and even though time would fly so fast , something are stagnant. They keep the places despite failures , losses and even lot of misunderstandings , fighting and cursing each other won’t leave a permanent mark over the friendship. She is one of those simple down to earth person anyone would love to have for company. All know I am not possessive by nature, but her friendship is sacred ,and all my friends know to name her with respect. I have done many things wrong to her, but she has forgiven me “n” number of times. I have tried to be nice to her, but she has been nicer. She is one of those who is utmost caring in nature ( I know for the instances shared between she and her siblings ), happy go lucky.
Now the real big issues .. is she complaining. Hmmm!!!! A little though. But these are not undesirable. Must be for leg pulling and she is one of those whose complaints will be entertained throughout.
Is she miser !!! No way , she is not . she is one who claims to plan careful for the future , say next Saturday she won’t be in Bangalore , or not present in my birthday party, which I was looking forward to , but hard luck. I might have had a hundred plans for the same, but there is real no craze left for the event anymore. All my friends who were my closest ones are now gone too far distances , and once in month we still talk, but she will also go. I know I am not even eligible for her ( mentally also) , and she will never accept anything more than the friendship and the reason I am not sad. She is one of the people who were the reason and the one I looked for each time I was in an emotional turmoil, difficult to realize and acknowledge she will also go. Someday ,somewhere. Many have come and gone , but her replacement , I don’t think I would be able to afford. She is one of those you can trust , and her angelic smile will make u blush. Her face full of embarrassment is a pleasure to watch. She is such a small kid behind those piercing eyes, strict words and high attitude. She is one of those who set parameters , may be achieves also but forgets.
She is not fair , but has long hair. Huh !!! nicely tucked and well maintained. Wanted to check if it was not falsification , but she is just perfect. About say nicely trimmed nails , to well managed purse ( she never forgets where the hell is mobile phone).nice sandals and golden watch (went missing cauz I was late ) and a matching purse. Simple and plain suit wrapped around one of the most beautiful girls I ever met to match the innocence of a child. Roaming in Bangalore could be such a fantastic event was simply unimaginable, garnished with the presence of a friend so sweet , often found in my phone book with name “Sweetest friend”. One of the friends I can go to world end to protect her, or be protected by her ( the way she would term it). I don’t know how to carry on relationship, am too stupid for that. But if she comes in my life, there is one promise I can do. Whatever happens , there will never be a trickle down her face ever .
She is one of the girls , any person can walk with , not for an hour , neither for an evening but for a lifetime.
The climate was apt , the wind breeze just passed bye and the time flew. I wish and I wished hard that the time would stop. Let me cherish a few more moments before she would be going. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but just didn’t. Her green eyes, lovely smile and nonstop chatter ( less than me off course ). The feeling of just being with her is so strong that it subsides every other emotion. There is one thing I have known when I am with her , to be what I am. No false faces , no extravagant comments , just be myself. But again she knows me so well , that a few would actually come close, but like all those she is going too far. And I really don’t know how to control the feelings. There can be no more than two people you can synchronize with so well , and she is one of those. How often do we talk , less , lesser and least . How much I wanna talk , now , in evening through dead of nights and first thing in morning to last thing I sleep. Her voice is soft and touches one heart like the soft violin tone. She has actually an alternate career in mimicry and pulling legs. I wonder if we would ever go together , that would be her favorite pastime. Another thing I came to know , she has some stamina and could walk 5 miles with ease and not feel tired. Another one she can weigh you with eyes and bring one’s hallucination to end. She did say a lot of things to me , but was I really listening. I doubt, I was wondering for most of the time, that it is not possible. This is definitely not the way to part, still the life is a long proposition and even though time would fly so fast , something are stagnant. They keep the places despite failures , losses and even lot of misunderstandings , fighting and cursing each other won’t leave a permanent mark over the friendship. She is one of those simple down to earth person anyone would love to have for company. All know I am not possessive by nature, but her friendship is sacred ,and all my friends know to name her with respect. I have done many things wrong to her, but she has forgiven me “n” number of times. I have tried to be nice to her, but she has been nicer. She is one of those who is utmost caring in nature ( I know for the instances shared between she and her siblings ), happy go lucky.
Now the real big issues .. is she complaining. Hmmm!!!! A little though. But these are not undesirable. Must be for leg pulling and she is one of those whose complaints will be entertained throughout.
Is she miser !!! No way , she is not . she is one who claims to plan careful for the future , say next Saturday she won’t be in Bangalore , or not present in my birthday party, which I was looking forward to , but hard luck. I might have had a hundred plans for the same, but there is real no craze left for the event anymore. All my friends who were my closest ones are now gone too far distances , and once in month we still talk, but she will also go. I know I am not even eligible for her ( mentally also) , and she will never accept anything more than the friendship and the reason I am not sad. She is one of the people who were the reason and the one I looked for each time I was in an emotional turmoil, difficult to realize and acknowledge she will also go. Someday ,somewhere. Many have come and gone , but her replacement , I don’t think I would be able to afford. She is one of those you can trust , and her angelic smile will make u blush. Her face full of embarrassment is a pleasure to watch. She is such a small kid behind those piercing eyes, strict words and high attitude. She is one of those who set parameters , may be achieves also but forgets.
She is not fair , but has long hair. Huh !!! nicely tucked and well maintained. Wanted to check if it was not falsification , but she is just perfect. About say nicely trimmed nails , to well managed purse ( she never forgets where the hell is mobile phone).nice sandals and golden watch (went missing cauz I was late ) and a matching purse. Simple and plain suit wrapped around one of the most beautiful girls I ever met to match the innocence of a child. Roaming in Bangalore could be such a fantastic event was simply unimaginable, garnished with the presence of a friend so sweet , often found in my phone book with name “Sweetest friend”. One of the friends I can go to world end to protect her, or be protected by her ( the way she would term it). I don’t know how to carry on relationship, am too stupid for that. But if she comes in my life, there is one promise I can do. Whatever happens , there will never be a trickle down her face ever .
She is one of the girls , any person can walk with , not for an hour , neither for an evening but for a lifetime.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Like ray of Hope ....... guess who
For there was an innocent ping to someone I didn’t know. For someone who was soon going to be an important part in my friends circle , someone who would eventually break the realms of being anyone to someone important. For when I pinged the lady , was I all in correct sense, and best of practices. No , nothing seemed to be going in right direction. A broken heart , a rejected visa , prolonged bench and accident prone person had life directionless , garnished with the thought of nothing going right. When best of friends left either the city of Bangalore in silence of night or preferred to move on with better friends. I came across this sweet cute lady who made me cheer. I have yet to meet her , or hear her voice for that matter, but the way she smiled my luck back in my life can never be forgotton by me , ever. Coincidentally like sand would just sit comfortably in a jar already full of rocks, she came in my life , brimming with friends and melted in it like hot wax in candle stand. The way she turned my luck was majestic. The Gods do hear to her , for each prayer she sang for me was heard. She was one of the inspirational thoughts for me , one to cheer me in my sad times and sms in middle of the night. One of the boldest girls , and one who can kick anyone , esp one who tries to take panga with her. She is one of the awesome persons thou ever made and has a soft corner for all the animals around. For a golden heart she is blessed with is no less than the soccer’s stone in today’s world , one which purifies the other. The exilir of life must be a fantasy concept for many, but her presence is no less. She can single handedly listen to all the boring stuff you have, and then she will pat your back and tell you that you are the best. She can take the stress from you , skip the next level tensions and land you in a sky where you are nothing less but thankful to her for just being there. She is one of the basic reasons I think I am a changed person today.
She is like one of the best wines of friendship , no not wine , wine is best when old , and she is still young and tastes better than other wines I have. She I probably milk but that will be conflicting with her complexion. She is like oranges then , sweet and sour at same time , under a hard cyst which is not that difficult to break. Over the times I have met her , one thing is for sure, she is still a small kid. A brain thinking a bit less , and a heart beating a little more. Just contrast to me. She is still fighting for an existence and like a 10 year old can fight over for a small yes. She can hold your sails when the winds are dragons and times sway in uncertainty . She is one of the best reason to talk and talk and talk .
She is over devoted , I really don’t know if she miss me or would ever miss me , even when I am long gone , but one thing is sure , I definitely miss her and gonna miss her more and more.
She is like one of the best wines of friendship , no not wine , wine is best when old , and she is still young and tastes better than other wines I have. She I probably milk but that will be conflicting with her complexion. She is like oranges then , sweet and sour at same time , under a hard cyst which is not that difficult to break. Over the times I have met her , one thing is for sure, she is still a small kid. A brain thinking a bit less , and a heart beating a little more. Just contrast to me. She is still fighting for an existence and like a 10 year old can fight over for a small yes. She can hold your sails when the winds are dragons and times sway in uncertainty . She is one of the best reason to talk and talk and talk .
She is over devoted , I really don’t know if she miss me or would ever miss me , even when I am long gone , but one thing is sure , I definitely miss her and gonna miss her more and more.
how it pains...........
There are times when we are surrounded by a thousand friends and still eyes look for that ONE. A frequently met across thought ,but believe me to have a broken relationship is bad , but to lose a friend is worst. One can find a new love , but to find a new friend to replace old one. Even by wildest stretch of imagination is not feasible. We generally meet new people on daily basis, and they all tightly fit and weave nicely in our life as if they were also there. There was concept of resonance , I read sometimes in high school , but I experienced in real life. We meet so many new people whose tuning forks match ours. And chemistry between them yields gold. For to talk to each other words are meaningless. A simple smile writes epic , a little frown rectifies the problem and a morning cheer brings the long lost happiness back in heart. Some people gel deeper in our roots , deeper and deepest , like a banyan tree. And then arial roots not only guide the growth but gives our identity a new dimension.
There is nothing impossible in this world , a complete stranger becomes everything , and similarily other way round. I can keep on writing at length on this topic , but this is feeling , a feeling of losing a friend. And I don’t want to miss a single word of how it pains to lose one. She was , yes she was one of the best friends I had. I had no feelings of love ( like that of girlfriend ) to her, but she was my cherished friend. She was one who looked to me , and I to her when we were in trouble. I will not say this time that I helped her, because I don’t want another mail shot at me saying “its sorry they took help , just cauz I cared “. Now when a girl and a boy are friend and share deepest secrets, those in today’s world will be bold ideas , but one thing was sure. We talked to each other as friends would, shopped together ,moved together and even spend a fun filled day together. Cooked a meal together and had fought , abused and loved each other. But today, when she has found a boyfriend, she thinks she is over me. God Forbid , some people will never learn difference between love and friendship. Even when she knows my crush , the girl I love and the one I wanna marry , and she is not in the list. She was a friend to me , but to have a boy-friend means to stop talking to friends. God Damm it , next time you have a heart-break don’t come back to me , as u did the last time. I was always there for a friend. I do make mistakes and I repent on them for long , but its long time now. And now I have decided to be hurt by one once only. And for all those hi-attitude friends , those who think hi-fi English and carrying a boy-friend is more in vogue than having friends whom you can share anything , I have only one word to say ,”Good-bye”.
In the midst of this busy office hour , with fast ticking clock meeting deadlines , and series of mail those would be escalated for me not completing the work will not be heavier than the feeling of losing a friend as I now carry on my back. Believe me the weight of losing a friend is much more deafening voice of heart break. You , once my friend , have today not found a boy-friend but probably lost a friend of life who would not regret giving his life for love of his friend. For second time in my life, I have to repeat the words , “ Unlucky you” , and its you only who knows who the first one was. Irony of life , one I trusted with life got carried away with new found love that you preferred ignoring the one who probably helped you to a limit when you needed him the most.
And now even without a subject, and closed brain would one easily notice the discontinuity in writing coupled with the frustration in me while writing. A call between this call ended me in stammering , and I have not been able to get my accent back. The big friend circle seems so void , and the overflowing communicator list looks so empty. If you are still stuck up reading this pathetic piece of article, by an aimless creature , a heartless person , a brainless plant and never-a-friend person , a last simple request , don’t take the one who love you for granted, for the new ones cant replace the old gems , and friends lost are not items sold those come back with depreciated value. If they come back, they do with a broken trust, and feeling of being cheated and above all , the SPIRIT of friendship. It will be sometime , say some hours , before I find some old friend , and some time before I forget that friend. Like her, there have been many , but I deny the fact that they miss me. For each time , they face an issue , they look for a shoulder to cry on , for each time they dress well and look for appreciation , for each time they feel down , they still do pick up the phones and dial the number and cut it. They scrap and delete , they ping and go offline. I do feel hurt when they stop informing me , but I am sure they miss me more than I miss them. But for her , the pain will be more, the blood oozing out will be a bit more than normal, the scar will not go unnoticed , but probably the way you used to talk and I provided solutions would change, probably next time I wont die for you. For I just pray that your new found boy-friend will stay with you till eternity ( he is your third bf na ) , because if he goes this time , you probably wont get that glowing friendship of Deepak back.
There is nothing impossible in this world , a complete stranger becomes everything , and similarily other way round. I can keep on writing at length on this topic , but this is feeling , a feeling of losing a friend. And I don’t want to miss a single word of how it pains to lose one. She was , yes she was one of the best friends I had. I had no feelings of love ( like that of girlfriend ) to her, but she was my cherished friend. She was one who looked to me , and I to her when we were in trouble. I will not say this time that I helped her, because I don’t want another mail shot at me saying “its sorry they took help , just cauz I cared “. Now when a girl and a boy are friend and share deepest secrets, those in today’s world will be bold ideas , but one thing was sure. We talked to each other as friends would, shopped together ,moved together and even spend a fun filled day together. Cooked a meal together and had fought , abused and loved each other. But today, when she has found a boyfriend, she thinks she is over me. God Forbid , some people will never learn difference between love and friendship. Even when she knows my crush , the girl I love and the one I wanna marry , and she is not in the list. She was a friend to me , but to have a boy-friend means to stop talking to friends. God Damm it , next time you have a heart-break don’t come back to me , as u did the last time. I was always there for a friend. I do make mistakes and I repent on them for long , but its long time now. And now I have decided to be hurt by one once only. And for all those hi-attitude friends , those who think hi-fi English and carrying a boy-friend is more in vogue than having friends whom you can share anything , I have only one word to say ,”Good-bye”.
In the midst of this busy office hour , with fast ticking clock meeting deadlines , and series of mail those would be escalated for me not completing the work will not be heavier than the feeling of losing a friend as I now carry on my back. Believe me the weight of losing a friend is much more deafening voice of heart break. You , once my friend , have today not found a boy-friend but probably lost a friend of life who would not regret giving his life for love of his friend. For second time in my life, I have to repeat the words , “ Unlucky you” , and its you only who knows who the first one was. Irony of life , one I trusted with life got carried away with new found love that you preferred ignoring the one who probably helped you to a limit when you needed him the most.
And now even without a subject, and closed brain would one easily notice the discontinuity in writing coupled with the frustration in me while writing. A call between this call ended me in stammering , and I have not been able to get my accent back. The big friend circle seems so void , and the overflowing communicator list looks so empty. If you are still stuck up reading this pathetic piece of article, by an aimless creature , a heartless person , a brainless plant and never-a-friend person , a last simple request , don’t take the one who love you for granted, for the new ones cant replace the old gems , and friends lost are not items sold those come back with depreciated value. If they come back, they do with a broken trust, and feeling of being cheated and above all , the SPIRIT of friendship. It will be sometime , say some hours , before I find some old friend , and some time before I forget that friend. Like her, there have been many , but I deny the fact that they miss me. For each time , they face an issue , they look for a shoulder to cry on , for each time they dress well and look for appreciation , for each time they feel down , they still do pick up the phones and dial the number and cut it. They scrap and delete , they ping and go offline. I do feel hurt when they stop informing me , but I am sure they miss me more than I miss them. But for her , the pain will be more, the blood oozing out will be a bit more than normal, the scar will not go unnoticed , but probably the way you used to talk and I provided solutions would change, probably next time I wont die for you. For I just pray that your new found boy-friend will stay with you till eternity ( he is your third bf na ) , because if he goes this time , you probably wont get that glowing friendship of Deepak back.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
The Ghost
It was 31 August 2007. I was driving through the busy lanes of Bangalore on Hosur Road. It had rained heavily today and streets are clogged with water. I was returning from office after not so beautiful day. There was possibly an open drain and the bus ahead of me veered to the right without signal. It hit me right there and for first time i was flying in air. I was in air for so long that i was able to see all the busy roads and traffic jam for 2 more kms and "Thud". all went blank , and i dont exactly remember where I was. I opened by eyes in a home in Bangalore. A very well maintained house.
"wow , this is awsome". Nice marble floor , a very religious fragnance and whew ... a fully setup house. But it was strange , i did not have a single injury on me. I was like 100% fit. I checked everywhere but i could not find a mobile. no wallet , nothing. just a very flexible boneless body. What has i changed into and where was I. I still could not make it out. I went to window and wanted to go out. But to move out, I should have gone to door but i glided to window. What was happening to me . As i crossed the window in the garden , i can glide through the air as if walking. Let me go a bit more out , but as soon as i reached the wall of the park i could move no longer. I met with an invisible wall, i cant break or glide. I spent an hour , or may be two parsing the entire area but still could not find the way out. I banged my head, only first time i seemed to have incurred a physical pain. it hurts. I tried once more , and a stream of blood came oozing out.
I wanted to move out. i wanted to meet my friends , call them. And above all , i wanted to know whats happening to me. I think i saw a landline, yes it was there in the big drawing room. i glided to the room and picked the phone. i didnt need to pick up the phone but it came and stuck on to my ears. the number i remember 97D$FFFBB$ , and dialled it.
The voice that i supported for so many years , i loved talking to , and the one we just had a fight the last night. The phone rang , and she picked it up. I tried to speak , to yell , to make her hear , even shouted but the line went dead. i tried over and again , not understanding anything. Probably she got frustrated , and then gave a miss call. i had now known its no use picking, and its a landline and i dont know how to ignore that. Eventually with all strength in eternity i picked up the phone , and she just said , " Deepak , is it you . See please i am sorry for what i said yesterday. i know you have been nice to me , but why dont you understand , you make me cry. Now would you utter a word , i know its you yaar. "
First time in life , i wanted words to come out of my mouth and it did not. She hung the phone angrily . A tear trickled down my eyes and i dropped in there. weeping like a small kid , not knowing what to do and how to , till i was waken up by a dusky beauty who opened the door and went past me . I stood up and said," Hello miss, i dont know how i am here. I really dont know how i got in here. do you know . have you got me out from that accident. " But the beautiful girl just passed through without looking at me even once. i stood up and touched her. she looked back. She felt someone just touched her , but she could not see me . i put a palm on her shoulder but she still could not see. Her expressions changed from normal ones to frightened one.
" whos there. " she shouted . She was scared to hell and i decided to keep mum. I did not touch her even once. instead i glided out of the window trying to find a way out , but could not. There was this thing getting heavier on me. I need to move out , i have no clue of what was going on. whats the time , where is the world , who is inside. her face looked so familiar and i am still thinking , how is it possible. I decided to go to her once more and try to recognise who she was. She was standing , just out of the shower. a water droplet just trickled down the hair , and the neon bulb in the back , it looked as morning dew meeting the first light in the morning. She was just angelic , just so beautiful. she was definitley not fair as milk , but she is the best beauty i have ever seen. and there she logs in her lappy , and in her orkut . and i see my scrap there( forget it if u dont know what that is , that is actually for mortals, and if u have left the world before 2005 , you will probably not know of terms like orkut , scrapbook , facebook and picassa) ... Shaaammmuuuuuuuuu ...... oh my God , i am in her place , and i can see her. But why is she not replying to anything i try to do. why is it i can do so many things still so many i just imagine. I just went to her lappy , i cud read something. i wanted to ask her to move to my page , but she was reading my messages and crying. i tried to type to tell her look , i am here. the keys were pressed but nothing appeared on screen. A few keys pressing for themselves , and she was the frightened one. She went to sleep , and i cherished her like a small kid. Somethings i always wanted to do always. This is a motherly love, she knew something is around her. She was sure someone is playing with her silky hair , and there is invisible love besides that invisible cloak that invisible man wears.
to all my ghost friends still reading what happens nexxt is more pain and cries and blood... please tell the ones you love that you do , and for God's sake , drive that bike a bit slowly. There is no blog in Shammu 's house , u can hear the voices but not interact.
"wow , this is awsome". Nice marble floor , a very religious fragnance and whew ... a fully setup house. But it was strange , i did not have a single injury on me. I was like 100% fit. I checked everywhere but i could not find a mobile. no wallet , nothing. just a very flexible boneless body. What has i changed into and where was I. I still could not make it out. I went to window and wanted to go out. But to move out, I should have gone to door but i glided to window. What was happening to me . As i crossed the window in the garden , i can glide through the air as if walking. Let me go a bit more out , but as soon as i reached the wall of the park i could move no longer. I met with an invisible wall, i cant break or glide. I spent an hour , or may be two parsing the entire area but still could not find the way out. I banged my head, only first time i seemed to have incurred a physical pain. it hurts. I tried once more , and a stream of blood came oozing out.
I wanted to move out. i wanted to meet my friends , call them. And above all , i wanted to know whats happening to me. I think i saw a landline, yes it was there in the big drawing room. i glided to the room and picked the phone. i didnt need to pick up the phone but it came and stuck on to my ears. the number i remember 97D$FFFBB$ , and dialled it.
The voice that i supported for so many years , i loved talking to , and the one we just had a fight the last night. The phone rang , and she picked it up. I tried to speak , to yell , to make her hear , even shouted but the line went dead. i tried over and again , not understanding anything. Probably she got frustrated , and then gave a miss call. i had now known its no use picking, and its a landline and i dont know how to ignore that. Eventually with all strength in eternity i picked up the phone , and she just said , " Deepak , is it you . See please i am sorry for what i said yesterday. i know you have been nice to me , but why dont you understand , you make me cry. Now would you utter a word , i know its you yaar. "
First time in life , i wanted words to come out of my mouth and it did not. She hung the phone angrily . A tear trickled down my eyes and i dropped in there. weeping like a small kid , not knowing what to do and how to , till i was waken up by a dusky beauty who opened the door and went past me . I stood up and said," Hello miss, i dont know how i am here. I really dont know how i got in here. do you know . have you got me out from that accident. " But the beautiful girl just passed through without looking at me even once. i stood up and touched her. she looked back. She felt someone just touched her , but she could not see me . i put a palm on her shoulder but she still could not see. Her expressions changed from normal ones to frightened one.
" whos there. " she shouted . She was scared to hell and i decided to keep mum. I did not touch her even once. instead i glided out of the window trying to find a way out , but could not. There was this thing getting heavier on me. I need to move out , i have no clue of what was going on. whats the time , where is the world , who is inside. her face looked so familiar and i am still thinking , how is it possible. I decided to go to her once more and try to recognise who she was. She was standing , just out of the shower. a water droplet just trickled down the hair , and the neon bulb in the back , it looked as morning dew meeting the first light in the morning. She was just angelic , just so beautiful. she was definitley not fair as milk , but she is the best beauty i have ever seen. and there she logs in her lappy , and in her orkut . and i see my scrap there( forget it if u dont know what that is , that is actually for mortals, and if u have left the world before 2005 , you will probably not know of terms like orkut , scrapbook , facebook and picassa) ... Shaaammmuuuuuuuuu ...... oh my God , i am in her place , and i can see her. But why is she not replying to anything i try to do. why is it i can do so many things still so many i just imagine. I just went to her lappy , i cud read something. i wanted to ask her to move to my page , but she was reading my messages and crying. i tried to type to tell her look , i am here. the keys were pressed but nothing appeared on screen. A few keys pressing for themselves , and she was the frightened one. She went to sleep , and i cherished her like a small kid. Somethings i always wanted to do always. This is a motherly love, she knew something is around her. She was sure someone is playing with her silky hair , and there is invisible love besides that invisible cloak that invisible man wears.
to all my ghost friends still reading what happens nexxt is more pain and cries and blood... please tell the ones you love that you do , and for God's sake , drive that bike a bit slowly. There is no blog in Shammu 's house , u can hear the voices but not interact.
It has not been easy being a ghost. Things change drastically. So many inaccessible things have become easily accessible. Life after death is full of life. I enjoy flying high in sky, dive in deep deeper deepest of the roads, get out from other side of the city, maybe from some other city and enjoy. But just like it gives me so much power, it devoids me of the most powerful emotions. I carry the feelings still but I don’t carry the heart. I don’t have brain but I have power to make decisions, and most of the times I get crushed under car or truck because I am not sure whether I should move right or left. The injuries no longer bleed me , but the heart .. oops … something in me still pains. I still want to go to that Scientific Research of Ghosts , but its sad the inventor of services like GOOGLE are still not ghosts. We have Fortran here , and abacus , even ghost telephone directory, but quick service is not there. I would like to trade a few things with humans here. I tried talking to God to negotiate but he wont give an ear. He says if Humans get to be a little powers of ghosts they will throw God out of his position , and probably he is right. I asked him if he really paid heeds to people who pray in the morning daily. He went mum, slapped me and quietly went off. I don’t have a face now but his slap left 5 fingerprints and a bloody face. Then as I was back in Shammu’s home and relaxing on that big luxurious double bed … aaah it feels so world best to jump up and down , there were a few creases made due to my rolling. And for someone watching me was like watching creases made itself. And there was Shammu who saw me in there. She was hysterical , in tears only. I went to her , took her in my embrace and caressed her like a small kid. She looked around but there was no one. She was terrified but think she felt the love. She let herself in me. Her entire weight against the fangless ghost. I know I could not support her , I don’t have a solid body for doing so ,but somehow she was all engulfed in me , like cushioned. Her crying was stopped and it took a moment for her to realize she is in arms of someone not known to her. Some heavenly force , some magnetic field , something she didn’t have explaination, and even though her mind told her to get away, it was easily defeated by verdict of the heart which let her there for a while, disturbed by a sound calling from back , “Sharmila… what happened “ . I suddenly lost control and she just balanced herself before she could hit the floor.
She continued ,”What happened friend , why you upset”.
Another tear trickled down her face, and she looked around , expecting my hand to come and wipe it off , but it fell. And I caught it in mid air , and she had known I was still there. For sure, a tear was followed by second and then third. This time it seemed to be mixed emotions.
“Would you tell me whats the matter Sharmila. I know you have been bad times recently. Now don’t tell me its that friend of yours , some Bingo Dingo you are still shedding tears for. Anyhow you guys never met , and he left you in middle of nowhere , he was the one who used to sms you , chat whole day long and those big big scraps. And what happened one fine day , he flies to US of A , and does not even care to inform you. I mean , grow up baby , you just cant waste your life like that. Move on with life. He was just an illusion , a milestone you should have not set the legs on. A mistake you did in making friends. Ok , we will move and get best of food today. Cheer up , we are going in for movie”.
Shamu sitting on the bed , crying like a small baby , handed over a chit to her friend. Her friend was still wondering and asked her, ”what is this. Seems like some username. So what are you upto. What is this, and is this Dingo’s id. So you found a way to break it. See, Shammu if he doesn’t love you , no matter how hard you try, he wont come back. Did he called you even once, any sms , any contacts he tried to do.”
Shamu got all her strength together and in a barely audible voice said,” Dingo left me this in his will”.
There was a silence of the death, as her friend was left with no words, horror struck her like anything.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Life with a few broken Bones
Aha … finally something white on my body , and seems so integral part of it. Other then the time my friend injected a serum in my left hand , and glucose bottle the pain was nearly absent. I saw him like a small child given a wood piece and he wonders what is that doing in his hands. The mutual understanding of a doctor and patient amazes me sometimes. He smiled back , stands up and prepares another syringe. “what that, doc” , nothing much , tetanus. And I smiled back ,I just had one 2 months back. “does not matter”, this one is harmless.
So this is third time I am seeing you Mr. Gupta, and he injects it. Right arm defeated. Now the turn of left hand. He twisted the hand like moulding floor to shape, and asks so innocently, “does it pain ??”. “ not before u started playing with it , and laughing he takes out a small hammer . God , I just said in joke and he is going to break bones, little late I realized he is going to mend a few broken ones. A hairline fracture, not a cause of worry. It should be fine in a week or two. The friendly doctor carefully kept my hand on the table and started asking a few questions.
“ How long have you been driving Mr. Gupta.?” I will complete two years and 15k Kms on bike this May , I replied.
“So how many times have u met with accident”. I was mum. And then I replied , “ this is because my times are bad, I didn’t took the bike to temple , so it seems the God is taking out revenge on me”. He applied crape bandage and said, “so take it to temple soon Mr Gupta, and please take care of left hand”.
I was juggling with my fingers , and he said yes, hairline fractures are most delicate subjects. Just like a stick breaks up at weakest point or at a crack, so is true for bones. But I am going to drive back.The doc did not appreciate the idea but considering my house was barely a couple of Kms from the place , he reluctantly agreed. And I was in home. On my bike. Doctor has said not to use it but I need something to prepare. I went to food world and got a packet of Maggi. Was really exhausted to prepare something new. So what now. Back to home , and lots of utensils. I made maggi in pressure cooker , and it was first time when I tried to lift it , it pained. My Left hand had already been troubling me for long , so I decided my right hand decides who is the boss. After dialing a few numbers trying to let them feel I am concerned and fine , I had the medicines, and I don’t know when I slept.
I woke up at 430 in the morning , trying to breathe. The previous two days exhaustion has taken its toll and this was expected. I rushed to find that serflow , and was probably packed in my baggage packed untouched since Tuesday morning. Finally I had the medicine and was feeling better. The only curse was where I had put myself into ,and whats happening to me. Its difficult to get back to sleep at 430 in morning , and office is also not possibility. So lets see some TV at 430 AM. Its Thursday now , and did I miss something. To stay single one starts thinking more than desired. Entire mathematics and geography comes down. The serflow was also taking its toll. And in some 15 min , I was out on chair. Alarm rang at 9 am . after a long time I was broken up by the alarm. Severe back pain , left hand gone , excessive coughing. God , I am just 25 and seems like I am 65 or what. Went to terrace , and the climate was awesome. Rushed back and stuffed my mouth with a few breads and milk. Had medicine and went down to bike. Should I , should I not ??
I will not put any pressure on right hand, I can drive it. And I drove. It pains a bit but manageable.
Back to home in evening , and utensils to wash , and house disheveled. So I started to put the things in right place. All things at correct place. But for first time, my legs also pained. A soft maon left my mouth and I sat back to cushion. I called Fateh and asked that I need a maid for house as its becoming impossible with a nearly broken arm , paining legs and allergic to dust. He replied three days later and still I am here. The condtion of brochos is still tailing me , causing me not to speak loudly over phone line and breathing to life in middle of night. The whole life living on onself has great advantages. One may cough to death in dark of night and you wont disturb a sleeping beast nearby. There are other advantages for being devoid of time, one tends to be selfish , as all one does is for himself. I cook for myself , and praise it for me . I sin and punish myself. I call friends over , have fun and kick them once it is all done.
There is a new breath in life , I make new friends on daily basis. With times like lines of hands, they keep on changing. Old friends find new ones ,and fading eyes get new ones. There is a new rule I have started to live by … Live life KingSize … and there is one thing .. “tujh ko bhi jab apni kasamein , apne vaade yaad nahi , hum teri yaadon ko apni palko per rakh ke bhool gaye “ ..
There are times when we are hurt , and its true both emotionally and physically. First cut draws blood, its sensitive to fiddle till it heals properly, but in case one injures same spot again. Injury opens and but blood finds constricted way out , over the period the pain subsides and what remains are a collection of few dead emotions , not hurt or dwindled by knife piercing the bones , and it is that stage I find myself today. A heartless , selfish and all let to myself. What a piece of white can make a difference , so those who are full white , I can understand. It runs in your veins now , so I forgive each of you as I forgive myself …
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Even God has limited resources
How many times have I seen people doing inhuman acts. People can go to limits fighting for that green note with Father of Nation on it, I think if Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi has a part of his spirit in that currency carrying his watermark, would be hurt to hilt. I am at so many occasions left to wonder why has God made such a diversified society that is marred by so many bad people , and equal number of goodies. I am left with one thinking that when God , as greatest engineer one would consider could not do well without having a proper plan. What could be his option , say he has 100 grms honesty , trust ,friendliness and so on .He cant put all in one , so what he does is divide the properties among different sections of people. He definitely does not own a watch or calendar as we humans do , and must be looking at stars to define what all to put when. Just like if I want to make a sweet dish on Monday , and meal on Tuesday I will select the ingrediants like those. So we have decoeded how can people in Gemini have astonishing similarility , and how does one match better life partner. Is this not a game of heart, even those are limited. For we have been marred by personal opinion , and I still don’t feel like dark being the back of color. Sometimes God tries to put in more color to a person , stroke an extra brush and end up spoiling the painting, but he definitely makes up. He goes round and may bless the person with better brain or nice heart or nothing. But there is nothing called as History. What all a person has when he leaves the God’s workshop is a Future , and I really don’t know if God has pre-defined that even. But to expect a God defining future is still not digestable idea for there are crores of people. He must have secretaries to do the job , and sometimes they must be in really bad mood ( moyb some family issue , because what I feel is Earth is model for prototype God has in his home , and he himself must not be devoid of emotions as we are ) . And when in bad mood , he creates a life line which is also not good to taste. And may not be liked by many. A person with beautiful characterstic may meet this moody god one day and spoil not only his but those surrounding him. This must be real bad. Or there is a different criteria for this . His total balance of facial beauty and heart adds up to 100 , I seriously feel this should not be the case. For heart I don’t know ,but I don’t score well with the former parameter. But I have seen a few with century in facial lookups and ending up as pathetic humans, selfish and self centered.
Whatever be the case, God is trying to do his best to keep us humans occupied trying to solve the mystry and I must congratulate him one day that what all he has done been an excellent job. Only thing is he endure much more pain than one can stand , next time when he makes me , I request him to put a little less colour on me , make me a bit more selfish and give me strength to forgive those who have hurt me.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Life at High speed ...
There is a famous saying "if there is nothing going your way,nothing qill". Same goes here. was allocated to project in mys , so thinking would be spending a month there i went in that dream land, leaving all my expensive city life behind. but how. the bus ride takes a long time, so try biking. i had done it before. wheeewww .. i flew the distance and completed the corridor in 1 hour 30 min , distance of approx 120 kms. and thrilled was me. with all my clothes and lappy on my back , this was cool. i rested for a day only to be told next day my not so wish was granted and i can move back to bangalore. the constant travelling had already made me tired and sick and fever ran a few degrees above century. so decided to make a move next day. Tuesday morning 920 am i left for blore. First thing in my mind was break my personal best record. but i had skipped my breakfast, and a little sick i was tired. 60km down the track i got a call from amrit, and stopped on dhaba. kept the heavy bag and had a tea. the buckle of bag broke while i kept it. Bad Times.i tied it to my waist and moved on .., this time i forgot the record and at senile pace of 90-100 i drove smoothly. i covered the corridor in 1 hour and 45 minutes , and moved in express highway.
now its been 100 Kms , and the smooth road lured me to go for it. seeeeeeeewwwwwww , i drove at max my bike can offer , and there was a big rock in middle of the road , and at speed of 110kmph , met me .. woow , had someone recorded it... zig zag all the road till i stop by force of friction. my left hand pained like hell. my back was still fine , but lappy i am not sure. i dont even know what happened in that fraction of second. all that remains in my mind is the stumbling rock. i got my bike up and it was punctured. i was down. extreme pain, puntured bike and no one to ask for help. i wished someone called me up, and could come down. I think i needed a friend. There is so much adversity teaches us. i had a diclowin plus in my bag and gulped it down without water or anything, and waited for few minutes. A MH registration number car stopped and saw me. the person offered me water , thank god , i got back in my elements. he saw my bike and informed that Indian Oil petrol pump is some 500 meters away. You dont know what a ray of hope can do wonders. i thanked the gentleman , and offered him my V-card for a treat due to him. DiClowin had done its trick , the pain has subsided. i dragged bike to petrol bunk to know the punture man is on leave. then io road on back of seat for another km or two , i dont remember and got tube replaced. Exhausted i drove @ 30 back to my place.
i dont know when i crashed in , but woke up at 11 in night, extreme pain in left hand...
next day was again pain , and treatment done.. a hairline fracture which wont take more than 15 days to heal.
what a tuesday that was ..... though doc has strictly asked me not to bike , i do take in depths of night that Diclowin plus and bike to office ...
now its been 100 Kms , and the smooth road lured me to go for it. seeeeeeeewwwwwww , i drove at max my bike can offer , and there was a big rock in middle of the road , and at speed of 110kmph , met me .. woow , had someone recorded it... zig zag all the road till i stop by force of friction. my left hand pained like hell. my back was still fine , but lappy i am not sure. i dont even know what happened in that fraction of second. all that remains in my mind is the stumbling rock. i got my bike up and it was punctured. i was down. extreme pain, puntured bike and no one to ask for help. i wished someone called me up, and could come down. I think i needed a friend. There is so much adversity teaches us. i had a diclowin plus in my bag and gulped it down without water or anything, and waited for few minutes. A MH registration number car stopped and saw me. the person offered me water , thank god , i got back in my elements. he saw my bike and informed that Indian Oil petrol pump is some 500 meters away. You dont know what a ray of hope can do wonders. i thanked the gentleman , and offered him my V-card for a treat due to him. DiClowin had done its trick , the pain has subsided. i dragged bike to petrol bunk to know the punture man is on leave. then io road on back of seat for another km or two , i dont remember and got tube replaced. Exhausted i drove @ 30 back to my place.
i dont know when i crashed in , but woke up at 11 in night, extreme pain in left hand...
next day was again pain , and treatment done.. a hairline fracture which wont take more than 15 days to heal.
what a tuesday that was ..... though doc has strictly asked me not to bike , i do take in depths of night that Diclowin plus and bike to office ...
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
me and my personal space
Is this world to be conquered all alone or we have to carry someone on our back. Is it reaching personal milestone or letting all go together. For so long I have heard that “Its lonely at the top”, does one refers that personal bonding , friendships and other such stuff take a backseat once one reaches the top. I don’t think so. There was a time when I was surrounded by friends all around me , and never think anything other than shear fun. Small pranks those made day for me, and getting on one poor guy. Sometimes I was also on receiving end , and the life went on smoothly as hot knife on slice of butter. There was a crack on beautiful dress she wore today and on the dressing sense of person in next cube. The project smiles were carried on to food courts and from there to home. The entire day was so full that one need not think of personal space or need of one. But then why today has this concept of personal space intruded the boundaries of my not so developed brain. This is a tedious question and one might wonder how to get the things right. There is a saying “When nothing is going your way , nothing way” , and nothing is. Maybe I will cherish this posts with my lost friends once they are back , and laugh our stomachs out. But as of now , I know one thing for sure, “IF u are going through hell, go on”. For road to quality has no end , and each crossed milestone brings me closer to utmost target or goal of perfect salvation.
Our words are counted , so are minutes of life. One may spend them cherishing , enjoying and having fun all around the place ,but sometimes few words should be saved for critical situation. Words like arrows can be penetrative , and should be carefully used. The wound by an arrow head can heal , but words might not. One small vocabulary error can seal the fate of a decade old friendship.
There is one thing which now I think most in times when I talk to myself, that we should appreciate the ones who appreciate us. God has not made many people to be with us, and if some people have a liking for us, we should not negate them. God knows when we fall in love with them, and sincerely want them back. Few people create a void in life and that void can never be fulfilled by a thousands who may fill in. even if one is surrounded by a hundred friends , go and make a personal note. Note the people falling in love with your smile, smile back. Appreciate them , encourage them love them. True friends are really difficult to find , just like diamonds. Diamond is a stone, but when found is like just like another. It has to be polished and finished to desire the heart, only think unlike friends. Friends are found as gem, cherished as memories and lived as life. If you found one in me, and u think u really let me go. Surely for once you may be right, but there is no way I wont be back. But this time I don’t want to come back to go just like that. This time I want to come and stay like a blueprint of friendship.
A personal space gives u a lot of more time to think what is good and what is right. A day full when one does not attend a phone call or talk to anyone , will help one realize the correct steps and mistakes he is making. Most of the times those small incidents which otherwise wont find a mention echo in the minds. A harmless humour can turn demon and turn the friendship in tars ...
There was one of my friends who once told me to have a personal space , go to park for a walk , take mp3 songs , walk a distance, may be for an hour and give myself sometime. I tried once, but that was so boring. How can one survive alone , how can one do fine with a heart break. Have one injured oneself physically , be in hospital for a long time or loaded under pressure. Still have I held my nerves to hold on to call. Between breaking voice and demolished morale stood a friend to fight for the world. Why should one care not about one who cares for you the most. This is a typical human nature and I still have no clue why it happens that way. Sometimes we stumble over a rock , fall down and stand up. Sometimes the injury would refrain us from standing for a brief period, the injury takes time to nurse , but a person will always stand more strongly after a tragedy or accident is what I may not agree with. Physically after a span one might be weaker, but when the relations break it hurts, when heart breaks it pains , but when a friend goes, is suicidal. I really don’t care how many girls come in my life and I talk to daily. The number is huge , many are not more than a chat friend. Some drop in for a call , and few will appreciate my writing, others my poems and I will appreciate each of them as the most beautiful girl to walk on the earth but do I really mean it. There are a couple of girls who took it too seriously and few took it too lightly. But that’s life that happens when one is planning other things. There was a name on Gtalk I used to start my say with , now that rests in peace , a name to prop up at 9 Am morning desk , lyf happened and its gone. Then there was a regular call like a coffee break at 10:15Am suddenly gone missing. Even the friends call at 1230 to reach food court is missing. There are no longer team meetings blocking my calendar , and the fate seemed to be giving back my dues. The times are not trying to pass , and I am not letting it pass through.
Is there a way that some feelings miss a person spanning a year and a half. If someone is staring at me, I get to know and so does other half of city I reside in. then my conscious fails to admit that the person I like does not know it. There possibly could be two reasons as learnt from Atom, either she wants me to be close friends always or use me before we both by mutual consent say “It Quits” , and she can come out of it as easy as” Mission Accompalished “ , and possibly I will take certain time to recover or maybe not. But she will like other care not. Her number will change like her character , like first snow she smirks and smiles. But one ray of sunshine will melt it away. I don’t know how does adversity brings out best in person, may be the person manages to make best of the resources available , but definitely prosperity has no parallel. There is a learning in each time good and bad. Good times are like sugar candy , one may learn and cherish. Bad times are board exams, god Forbid , if one does not score good, he is doomed for life. Each step there are thousands of mistakes ready to happen
And one has to choose one which punishes you the least and the wounds of which will be healed soon. The times have changed and so has me , else these times wont forgive me.
The personal space in me is my space , which has like a crystal glass helped me realize the fact that friends is an illusioned terms used in good times for colleagues, and should not be carried as permanent baggage. The things I am learning from one of my friends , I don’t carry excess baggage, and sooner or later I will drop the same , THE EXCESS BAGGAGE. Thanks a lot for my personal space for helping me realize the same
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Holi and colors of it ....
Whats in Holi ... a blend of colors , a mouthful of cold drink , a fistful of gulaal or a pleasant meal. Its a feeling , something not many can understand.
I wanted to write much more , hope my health will permit me to complete it soon
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