The Certified Psycho

This is me .. Deepak , and no less than any strange case of psycho. As Dipankar once said, There was nor ever will , a greater crack in the wall than you have in your head. and to which i responded , its not hole in the wall, but wall in the hole. and 3 years later, i try everything to certify as one. Losing the loved one , loving the lost one, trying to do a DDLJ , almost aping a kid , mowing down people on roads , meeting new and stylish accidents , mis-understanding myself , promising not to promise again, and breaking the promise once more , for once more i wanna live and tell all that its me who is me. I am not the one whom the God made to be just another, I am myself. I make my own rules , i insulate , i radiate and more importantly , i speak. You may not hear it if your eyes are closed , u may not understand if your mind is closed , and possibly if its open , nothing is left in it to understand. The same is with me , take life as it comes , plan , trip , tripover , drip , slip , fall , stand up, wear down , rise again , call friends , make friends , maintain old ones, casually tune up to serious life , no one still has managed to get out of it alive, but till the time you are reading this , you have managed to wade off the DEATH for now.

I was no wiser a person to leave India, I am no intellect even today , I want to work hard, I try to , but the memories are weak , and i dont remember. I tried things , put somethings on blog, set reminders , even resorted to drinking milk , yes mom , i did . But the brain gets older, not sharper. The effect of increasing technology can be easily found to have a lasting impact on me , i see each human as a robot now, and me as robo cop. I think i can do anything without doing nothing , no no , i mean i cant do nothing , if thats the way it is.

I have so many things to do, less than anyone else, but according to me , more than i can manage. If there was an upgrade for humans available, i would have spent all my earnings ( even though they are less than my month's salary ,considering i am working for last 150 years ) to get an upgrade. Atleast brain can react to something better than age of empires and websites. I remember certain song in which writer demands two hearts , i demand brains instead. If I was intelligent, and if i would have understood the things important to me then and there , if i was able to prioritize what not to do , if i was able to maintain one relation , if i was able to get back one school life, if i would have managed to come 1st in the class once, if ..... my God ... if you existed ... i would not be so clueless, i would not be such a danger , and more importantly , i would be me ... as i am ....

( incomplete entry from a certified psycho )