Aha … finally something white on my body , and seems so integral part of it. Other then the time my friend injected a serum in my left hand , and glucose bottle the pain was nearly absent. I saw him like a small child given a wood piece and he wonders what is that doing in his hands. The mutual understanding of a doctor and patient amazes me sometimes. He smiled back , stands up and prepares another syringe. “what that, doc” , nothing much , tetanus. And I smiled back ,I just had one 2 months back. “does not matter”, this one is harmless.
So this is third time I am seeing you Mr. Gupta, and he injects it. Right arm defeated. Now the turn of left hand. He twisted the hand like moulding floor to shape, and asks so innocently, “does it pain ??”. “ not before u started playing with it , and laughing he takes out a small hammer . God , I just said in joke and he is going to break bones, little late I realized he is going to mend a few broken ones. A hairline fracture, not a cause of worry. It should be fine in a week or two. The friendly doctor carefully kept my hand on the table and started asking a few questions.
“ How long have you been driving Mr. Gupta.?” I will complete two years and 15k Kms on bike this May , I replied.
“So how many times have u met with accident”. I was mum. And then I replied , “ this is because my times are bad, I didn’t took the bike to temple , so it seems the God is taking out revenge on me”. He applied crape bandage and said, “so take it to temple soon Mr Gupta, and please take care of left hand”.
I was juggling with my fingers , and he said yes, hairline fractures are most delicate subjects. Just like a stick breaks up at weakest point or at a crack, so is true for bones. But I am going to drive back.The doc did not appreciate the idea but considering my house was barely a couple of Kms from the place , he reluctantly agreed. And I was in home. On my bike. Doctor has said not to use it but I need something to prepare. I went to food world and got a packet of Maggi. Was really exhausted to prepare something new. So what now. Back to home , and lots of utensils. I made maggi in pressure cooker , and it was first time when I tried to lift it , it pained. My Left hand had already been troubling me for long , so I decided my right hand decides who is the boss. After dialing a few numbers trying to let them feel I am concerned and fine , I had the medicines, and I don’t know when I slept.
I woke up at 430 in the morning , trying to breathe. The previous two days exhaustion has taken its toll and this was expected. I rushed to find that serflow , and was probably packed in my baggage packed untouched since Tuesday morning. Finally I had the medicine and was feeling better. The only curse was where I had put myself into ,and whats happening to me. Its difficult to get back to sleep at 430 in morning , and office is also not possibility. So lets see some TV at 430 AM. Its Thursday now , and did I miss something. To stay single one starts thinking more than desired. Entire mathematics and geography comes down. The serflow was also taking its toll. And in some 15 min , I was out on chair. Alarm rang at 9 am . after a long time I was broken up by the alarm. Severe back pain , left hand gone , excessive coughing. God , I am just 25 and seems like I am 65 or what. Went to terrace , and the climate was awesome. Rushed back and stuffed my mouth with a few breads and milk. Had medicine and went down to bike. Should I , should I not ??
I will not put any pressure on right hand, I can drive it. And I drove. It pains a bit but manageable.
Back to home in evening , and utensils to wash , and house disheveled. So I started to put the things in right place. All things at correct place. But for first time, my legs also pained. A soft maon left my mouth and I sat back to cushion. I called Fateh and asked that I need a maid for house as its becoming impossible with a nearly broken arm , paining legs and allergic to dust. He replied three days later and still I am here. The condtion of brochos is still tailing me , causing me not to speak loudly over phone line and breathing to life in middle of night. The whole life living on onself has great advantages. One may cough to death in dark of night and you wont disturb a sleeping beast nearby. There are other advantages for being devoid of time, one tends to be selfish , as all one does is for himself. I cook for myself , and praise it for me . I sin and punish myself. I call friends over , have fun and kick them once it is all done.
There is a new breath in life , I make new friends on daily basis. With times like lines of hands, they keep on changing. Old friends find new ones ,and fading eyes get new ones. There is a new rule I have started to live by … Live life KingSize … and there is one thing .. “tujh ko bhi jab apni kasamein , apne vaade yaad nahi , hum teri yaadon ko apni palko per rakh ke bhool gaye “ ..
There are times when we are hurt , and its true both emotionally and physically. First cut draws blood, its sensitive to fiddle till it heals properly, but in case one injures same spot again. Injury opens and but blood finds constricted way out , over the period the pain subsides and what remains are a collection of few dead emotions , not hurt or dwindled by knife piercing the bones , and it is that stage I find myself today. A heartless , selfish and all let to myself. What a piece of white can make a difference , so those who are full white , I can understand. It runs in your veins now , so I forgive each of you as I forgive myself …
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