Itna bhi nahi hoon

mein itna bhi nahi hoon , ki ho ke bhi na hoon. kuch itna sa khwab hai ki jo bhi woh hi rahun. kahin kabhi kisi mod per kabhi kuch mila ya nahi , kabhi kuch paaya to nahi, fir bhi sab kuch kho doon itna nahi hoon.
Sahensheelta hai bahut mujh mein ki sab himalya ki god se aayi hai, bade toofano ko jhel ke chala jaata hoon , hazaro seene mein daba rakhe hai , kahin se koi bhi chot nahi pag paati mujhe kabhi , na badal paar ker paate hai na kholta jwalamukhi bhed paaya hai , per imaan per uthe ek bhi sawaal ko bardaasht ker loon, itna bhi nahi hoon.
Sabar bahut kiya hai meine is samander ki tarah , shankh, moti deep aansu sab khota hi raha, kabhi leher lag gayi kinare per, kabhi ek kona hi choot gaya , to kahin mere ander se hi koi bahar ki duniya ka ho chala, sabko sab kuch de doon per deke bhi roya nahi , itna nahi hoon mein. 
Sthir hoon dhara ki tarah , kya kuch nahi diya rehne walo ko. kabhi anaaj kabhi khaana kabhi rona to kabhi roti , per ghoom ke jab woh hi seene mein khanjar daal nikaalna chahte hai mere dene se kuch zyada, chup chaap apna sab de doon aur palatke vaar na karun , itna bhi nahi hoon mein.
faila hoon aakash ki tarah , dekhta hoon her us cheez ko jiski apeksha bhi nahi , kahin kabhi koi jeet raha hai manzar bade, to kahin hai haar ki maar , kahin hara ke aagey badh raha hai manush sabko, kahin jalate deep mein unnati hai, per jeet ki khushi mein dost jab doosre ki peet mein daalta hai maut, bina roye khoon ke aasu yeh dekh loon , itna bhi nahi hoon.

Love

Believe , belief , trust , reflections , shadows , mirrors , friends .

Getting out of bed and looking directly in sun, no fear of blindness, no inhibitions of what will follow, no matter what will happen. The sun has been shinning for billions of years, but today neither eyes are going to shut nor sun is going to set. A cloud came in between to break the truce, and the eyes still pierced through the clouds. It was water all around, flooding the memories. The boat sailed  across the ages , from the time when school was a pain, to point when the greatest challenge was how not to make it to school for love of a movie. The friends who came across and took us from that life to the new chapter, as the pages of book turned into paper so green. The boat stuck a tree with the force so immense that the world twisted. Flooded emotions took me places, the green turn red, and things fell out of place. I did not. I looked up and held my eyes to the sun, dared to move it. The sun shone hard, I stared harder. The sweat filled up glasses, but thirst took its turn. I toppled each milestone but the destiny never met. I looked places, met strangers and ignored friends. It was a belief that I will achieve it , the trust of finding it now. Determination can bring down Gods, but mine was missing. The boat sailed across from river to seas to the huge ocean. The waves were big and huge, and no land to be seen. There I saw another, same as me , and then a few more. I extended mine and so did the other. We made a big boat together, and adorn it with love care and happiness. I continued to dare the sun, when a comforting feather touched my shoulder and I melted in it.  The sun was jealous this time, he burnt brighter. I was with my life and he lives in shadow of his past , all alone. I made friends with him since, and we talk each other, I hope he finds one hand as I found mine.