Yaad aayi

kabhi sochta hoon to tu yaad aayi ,
kabhi nahi bhi socha to bhi tu hi yaad aayi, 
yaad mein bhi yaad tu hi aayi,
aur bhoole mein bhi yaad tu aayi.
reh gaya kahin mera ansh kuch,
to usme bhi tu yaad aayi ,
kabi mandir ke  deep mein
to kahin deep ke  ansh  mein yaad aayi,
kahin pankaj ki khusboo fhelati bhavna mein yaad aayi,
kabhi mandir mein kabhi vidhyalaya mein ,
kabhi khud mujhe mein tu yaad aayi.
ab yaad nahi kahin kuch bhi aur mujhe,
per meri her aarti mein tu yaad aayi,
kabhi mere bharat ke kaushal vartmaan mein ,
to kahin om ki sampoornta mein yaad aayi.
kabhi sochta hoon to tu yaad aayi,
aaj dekhta hoon to tu yaad aayi.

Itna bhi nahi hoon

mein itna bhi nahi hoon , ki ho ke bhi na hoon. kuch itna sa khwab hai ki jo bhi woh hi rahun. kahin kabhi kisi mod per kabhi kuch mila ya nahi , kabhi kuch paaya to nahi, fir bhi sab kuch kho doon itna nahi hoon.
Sahensheelta hai bahut mujh mein ki sab himalya ki god se aayi hai, bade toofano ko jhel ke chala jaata hoon , hazaro seene mein daba rakhe hai , kahin se koi bhi chot nahi pag paati mujhe kabhi , na badal paar ker paate hai na kholta jwalamukhi bhed paaya hai , per imaan per uthe ek bhi sawaal ko bardaasht ker loon, itna bhi nahi hoon.
Sabar bahut kiya hai meine is samander ki tarah , shankh, moti deep aansu sab khota hi raha, kabhi leher lag gayi kinare per, kabhi ek kona hi choot gaya , to kahin mere ander se hi koi bahar ki duniya ka ho chala, sabko sab kuch de doon per deke bhi roya nahi , itna nahi hoon mein. 
Sthir hoon dhara ki tarah , kya kuch nahi diya rehne walo ko. kabhi anaaj kabhi khaana kabhi rona to kabhi roti , per ghoom ke jab woh hi seene mein khanjar daal nikaalna chahte hai mere dene se kuch zyada, chup chaap apna sab de doon aur palatke vaar na karun , itna bhi nahi hoon mein.
faila hoon aakash ki tarah , dekhta hoon her us cheez ko jiski apeksha bhi nahi , kahin kabhi koi jeet raha hai manzar bade, to kahin hai haar ki maar , kahin hara ke aagey badh raha hai manush sabko, kahin jalate deep mein unnati hai, per jeet ki khushi mein dost jab doosre ki peet mein daalta hai maut, bina roye khoon ke aasu yeh dekh loon , itna bhi nahi hoon.

Love

Believe , belief , trust , reflections , shadows , mirrors , friends .

Getting out of bed and looking directly in sun, no fear of blindness, no inhibitions of what will follow, no matter what will happen. The sun has been shinning for billions of years, but today neither eyes are going to shut nor sun is going to set. A cloud came in between to break the truce, and the eyes still pierced through the clouds. It was water all around, flooding the memories. The boat sailed  across the ages , from the time when school was a pain, to point when the greatest challenge was how not to make it to school for love of a movie. The friends who came across and took us from that life to the new chapter, as the pages of book turned into paper so green. The boat stuck a tree with the force so immense that the world twisted. Flooded emotions took me places, the green turn red, and things fell out of place. I did not. I looked up and held my eyes to the sun, dared to move it. The sun shone hard, I stared harder. The sweat filled up glasses, but thirst took its turn. I toppled each milestone but the destiny never met. I looked places, met strangers and ignored friends. It was a belief that I will achieve it , the trust of finding it now. Determination can bring down Gods, but mine was missing. The boat sailed across from river to seas to the huge ocean. The waves were big and huge, and no land to be seen. There I saw another, same as me , and then a few more. I extended mine and so did the other. We made a big boat together, and adorn it with love care and happiness. I continued to dare the sun, when a comforting feather touched my shoulder and I melted in it.  The sun was jealous this time, he burnt brighter. I was with my life and he lives in shadow of his past , all alone. I made friends with him since, and we talk each other, I hope he finds one hand as I found mine.

Dahleej

chali hoon laanghne mein ab is maryada ki seema , kahenge kuch log ki galti meri hi hai. kahin kabhi to koi sira na diya usne, ek umar ho chali , ab to haath bada de. kasmein sunne mein to achi lagti hai per ger hoti bhookh shaant unse to shayad ruk bhi jaati. Raaste bhi alag hi nikale , dost bhi nirale. sirf ek doosre ke dil ko chod ker kuch bhi to aur mil na paaya humara. baat sawal ka nahi , jawab ka bhi nahi , baat us jawab ka hai jiska sawal hotho per to aata hai tumhare per kabhi meri kaano tak pahaunch nahi paata. prashan hai bahut tumhari aankho mein , per sahara na de paaye kabhi mujhe apne kandho ka.  jab samaaj mein utha raha tha her koi ungliya. jab thi sab tumhare gharwalo ki barsaatein mere bin chatt ki ghar per, kyun nahi mil paaya tum mein woh tinke bhar ka sahaas ki keh dete apni hi janam dene wali ma se ki hai , hai meri ek dharam patni aur rahega bandhan atoot, ki nahi hai iski umeed ki deewar bin barsaati . kaash de paate tum kuch sahara aur bach jaati dahleej humare ghar ki .

be-noor

chamchamati huwi , jhilmil si , sitaro si is duniya se kahin door milti hai be-jaan se , be-rang se , ghissi huwi si ek fati purani si zindagi.  jo padi huwi hai satrangi chaddar lapete ,Jhaankti huwi us jharokhe se ki kahin mile ek andhkaar ki kiran jissko sahej ke door ho chale woh rang badalti rooho se , jahan shaanti mein mile usse aman. tez aur roz roz badalti zindagi ke noor se pareshaan , chahti hai ki koi usse pehchaane na , ki kahin kisi tarah bach bachate nikal jaaye. Kisi tarah koi to aisa upaye ho ki stabdh ker dene wali roshini se door jaaya jaye ,ki na pehchaane uska naam aur is mashoor si duniya se be-noor hi vida ho jaaye. 

ashaanti

yudh , kohraam ,  shor , shool , sanaata .... kahin se kisi bhi baat ka samajh na aa paana , kyun nahi ki koi maan paata meri kahi , kyun kahin mein is duniya ke gol swabaav ke saath seedha chal nahi paata , kyun aisa lagta hai ki meri manzil alag hai tum se. kyun kaise tum her cheez se adhoori rehti ho, aur mein her adhoori cheez se poora , kyun tumhe chot se dard hota hai aur mere nasoor bhi sookh chuke hai, kyun khalbali mach uth padti hai kabhi is duniya ke riwazo se , kyun pade is shaant se samander mein aa jaati hai lehar vishaal. kyun lagne lagta hai ki roshini se darr nahi per andhera mera hum saya hai, kyun bikhre huwe is jism ke her ek ang se nayi jeevan ki taraf kadam badate huwe is rooh ka lashtar poora safed hai. kyun mere pass do takshak hai aur teer ek bhi nahi , kya karun in do mayano ka jab talwaar ka kuch pata nahi. jaise thaam bhi loon kabhi in haatho mein woh khooni khanjar bhi kya hi bigaad loonga , na mein yodha na hi kalakaar, apne mein sampoorn apne mein khush apni hi hasti mein madmast mujh mein is duniya ke rang ghusne ki koshish ker rahe hai. sambhaal ke rakha hai is ashaant man ko is ashaant duniya mein . darr hai ki kahin is ashaant  satrangi aatma ko is badrangi dunya mein na mil jaaye shaanti ....

Rishtey

Bharosa , dokha , samajh, sahuliyat , majboori , nadaniya , bachpan , dosti , saath , chot , marham , sahyog , safar  ....
Paani ke bulbulo se naazuk rishtey jo milte to humse virasat mein hai per sanjo ke rakhne mein umar guzar jaaye, kahin rishtey marhum ka kaam kerte hai to kahin her dard ka kaaran. kahin koi rishta zindagi bana jaata hai to kahin poori zindagi ki kamayi khatm ker deta hai. Kuch rishtey mar ke bhi saath dete hai kuch marne tak to kahin kuch marwa hi dete hai. Rishtey bure nahi, na hi rishtedaar per fir bhi duniya dosti ko rishtey ke upper rakhti hai. woh hi shaks jo ek acha dost hai woh ache rishtedaar nahi hai, kyunki badh jaati hai zimmedariya rishtedaar ki. Nahi bhi pasand agar koi insaan to bhi rishtedaari ka lihaaz kerke dhona padta hai uska bojha. Kahin ek sapna sakaar kerta huwa rishta to kahin bikhre kaanch per chalne ka naam hai rishtey.
 Jaise hote hai  hawa ke gubbare ,  ek choti si chot aur phoot jaate hai. Jo zindagi ke maidaan mein is foolte rishtey ko sahej nahi sakte , aksar hava mein ker dete hai in rishto ko.Sirf tumhari khud ki baat nahi hai, kyunki saamne bhi ek rishta hai. Janam se bane kuch rishte , kuch khud bana liye. Kisi ko bhai banaya kisi ko bahen to fir kisi ke saath guzaarni hai zindagi. Kahin apne sage nahi ho paate to kahin anjaan bhi sage ho jaate hai. kabhi kisi ki choti si baat us sui ka kaam kerti hai jo bade se bade gubbare ko fod sakti hai to kahin badi badi chot bhi gubbare ko hila nahi paati.

Kahin hai aag ki chingariya , haath jalte bhi hai khelte hai to kabhi maza bhi aata hai. Zindagi ko dilchasp banate huwe bharosemand hai yeh rishtey. Kabhi chalak jaate hai paimaane se to kahin pyaasa chod dete hai. Maksad jeene ka kuch bhi ho rishtey woh kadwi dawa hai jo zindagi mein jeene ka aina dikhate hai. Kabhi kisi safatla per jalta rishtedaar to kabhi tumhe unchayi tak pahauchata ek rishtedaar. Saja ke dekhein agar hum holi ke rang ek thaal mein , to diwali ke pathake to kabhi rang to kabhi aag hai rishta. kabhi jeene ka sahara to sahare per laata jeena ....

article pending completion 

Bandhan

saat phero 4 haatho aur us ek agni ko saakshi maan jo kadam badh chale amavas ki raat mein kabhi to poornima bhi dekhenge. kabhi to us aag ki chingariya mere aanchal ko jalana band karengi , soch tha ki jagmaga jayegi zindagi apni uske ek saath se , socha tha ek aur ek gyarah ho jayenge , kya pata tha ki woh ek bhi kho sa gaya. Socha tha meri rago mein daudega tera khoon,  mera khoon nikaal ke us itcha ko poora to kiya per apne tareeke se. saath jeene ki itcha prabal thi, kab usme se jeena nikal gaya samajh hi na aaya. kamzor to nahi thi mein, per kamzori ki aagosh mein kab aa gayi yeh bhi samajh nahi aaya. jab tar tar ho gayi rooh meri, aur bikhar ke reh gaya wajood mera, jab mein aaine mein khud se nazar na mila saki , to ehsaas huwa kamzori ka. kam nahi thi kisi se per kami kuch to reh gayi. kehte hai ki saare kaale kaam ratri mein hi hote hai , laazmi hai shaadiya bhi ussi prahar mein hoti hai.
mil gayi thi mujhse meri purani ek yaad , satrangi si thi, muskurati si , khilkilati huwi poochi merese , ki kyun kya ho gaya. tum to na badli , to waqt kaise badal gaya. Samjhaya usse ki zaroorat hai , theek ho jayega sab, abhi to shurat hai umar padi hai samjhane ko. yaad mera peecha hi nahi chodi ,boli ki agar zindagi ki hi hai baat to kyun hai naraaz tera saath. kya kami reh gayi thi ya sirf maatr ladki ho jaana hi mera gunah tha. Mera gunah tha bada itna ki chahti thi pehchaan apni, aur uski farmaish ki mita de hasti apni. hasti mitana aasan nahi , koshish ki meine. Koshish mein khatm ker diya ateet, bhula diye dost aur jaane diya apne kaam ko. apang ho ke reh gayi , tukdo ki mohtaaz , khaane ke nahi pyaar ke. Latchaar thi pyar ke liye , per zindagi mein jo chaiye woh milta kahan hai, kisko hai, mili sirf nafrat, gaaliya aur dande. Uth ke ek din socha ki latak jaun pankhe se, fir socha ki agni hi to thi. jab sahej na paayi riste ko to riste ko chada diya pankhe per aur nikal aayi mein aazad usse bahar.

ab emin hawa mein saas leti hoon, meri rooh wapas jud rahi hai , meri zindagi wapas aa rahi hai, dheere dheere mera aks mere mein sama raha hai. aag se ab darr nahi lagta, paani mein doobne ka dar bhi nahi, baarish mein khelti hoon aur khul ke holi khelti hoon. naye rang banati hoon ,nayi aasheyein sajati hoon , mauka lagey to naye dost bhi. ajnabiyo ko muskura ke dekhti hoon, zindagi ko kaise jeete hai seekh rahi hoon. waqt lagega thoda per jeet jaungi. is baar apne liye , bus apne liye .

chehra

muskurata  sharmata chamakte chand ki yaad dilata , raat ki kaali badri sa kaajal , gheenu ke sunhere rang sa chamakta ,uska ruhaani chehra . jitna hi dekhta hoon utna hi sochta hoon ki kuch to kahin to kaise to kuch bhi to kerke us shrishti kerta ne apni khwahish ko anjaam diya us chand ko taraashker.
 shankh jaisi aankhen jo khud ek sur mein apni dastaan bayan ker deti hai , waiz ki sab dastaan wahin ki wahin ruk jaaye , aur jin se bhi nazar mile woh nazarein fir kahin aur na jaaye , insaano mein milne wali pariyo ke nayan ki yeh adbut samaanta hai, inhe sawara nahi gaya, sajaya nahi gaya , kritrim roop se badla nahi gaya, yeh ajooba kayanat ki hi ek dein hai , yeh aankhen tumhari woh suna deti hai hazaro dastaan jo kabhi huwi hi nahi , jo shayad kabhi hongi bhi nahi , jo shayad tumhari matsya numa hontho se kabhi chalki bhi nahi hogi, woh kahani jo na ho ke bhi poori ho jaati , magar us chehre ki chakachaund mein kahin gum ho gayi. tumhare hontho se nikalne wala her ek lafz jo shahed sa meetha hai , her ek boond us shahed ki humne apne se door karti jaati hai, aur kho jaati hai humari hasti us chehre mein kahin. poochne per ki sundarta ka raaz kya hai , jawab aata to hai, per madhosh uski ada mein kabhi kaano tak pahaunch nahi paata. her ek shabd jo chalakta hai un ke muh se, kuch is tarah se rooh se milta hai jaise ek aushadh lagbhag mrit vyakti ko somras pila raha ho, kuch is tarah tera saath hai mere ki meri tar tar si jo roh thi , is prakaar theek hoti ja rahi hai ki jaise usse chikitsa ki kabhi zaroorat hi nahi. tere us chehre ke saath ek umar humne kayanat ke jannat, swarg ya abhor satya se pare le jaati hai , jo us ko dekh ke hum kehte hai ki agar hai kahin roohani shakti , jo ker sakti hai sab sahi , hai woh yahin. dekh zara aye humdum , dekh us pari ke chehre ko meri aankho ke aaine mein ... 

sikka

bikharta  machalta chalakta , toot ke fir se banta huwa , kabhi khushi mein dooba to kabhi gum mein gungunata , bister ke sirhane baithe us takiye ki tarah pichakta huwa , kabhi gaadi ke toote sheeshe se aankh mein chubta sooraj sa , to kabhi garmi mein subah ki suhani dhoop ki tarah , kabhi haath mein lagey tel samaan fisalte lamho ki tarah , to kabhi gond ki tarah jism se chipki un yaado ki tarah , paani ki tarah her sateh se milta huwa, ya holi ke rang ki tarah sabko ek rang kerta huwa , apni hi akad mein , apne hi shaurya mein , apne hi guroor mein , samman mein , adhikaar mein , ikhtiyaar mein aur sanshept mein kahiye to apne hi aks mein khelta hoon yeh sikka. kismat ka kahiye , paise ka kahiye ya aap ki aur meri takdeeer ka ... chalta hi rehta hai .
sahema huwa , mashoor hota huwa to kabhi badnaam hota huwa , kahin andheri galiyo mein lagbhag bhooji huwi kirano mein , tez roshini mein apna johar dikhata huwa , kahin duniya ki daud mein sabse balwaan , to kahin rishto ki dor mein sabse peeche , kahin zameen per rengte keede se reshm banata huwa to kahin aakash mein udte gidh se apni hasti bachata huwa , kahin toofano mein adig khada to kahin raat ke saanate mein madham si aahat mein maut ki kaaya pehna yeh sikka ... yahin reh jaata hai ... na hum mein se koi iska saga huwa , na yeh kisi ka ... 

First Salary

It is an awesome feeling to get the first salary. It represents a big leap in a person's life, and often a person buys the thing they wanted to have for long. I don't really remember how I spent my first salary (or did I really spent it). I have seen in a lot of movies when a person gives his mother , or a daughter her dad the first cheque (sounds too cheasy) , but the person receiving it is always heart filled. I would have never understood that feeling had my wife not handed over her first cheque in a new company to me. Well , at first I was confused, but then the feeling starting sinking it. I felt as if the most important person in the world. Lot of my worries, tension and professional challenges were just thwarted off with the simple expression of love from my love.
I will always cherish the first salary , and not laugh on those cheasy things (or try not to ) .